The Vatican Rag

Croatian Church Stops Sunday Shopping

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

According to the Associated Press, the government of Croatia passed a law that banned most shopping in Croatia on Sunday. The law was pushed by the Catholic Church. Croatia, once part of Yugoslavia, has a population that is roughly 88% Catholic, but they have been spending their Sundays in shopping malls in recent years. Jealous of the lost income, the Church wants to make sure they have nothing to do on Sunday.

Our Source at the Vatican says that the no shopping on Sunday initiative is part of the current plan to be ready to return to the Dark Ages. "Face the facts. The environment is being destroyed and soon civilization will collapse. Who knows better about governing in an age of poverty and ignorance than the Catholic Church?"

Plans are underway to ban Sunday shopping in all countries where Catholics form a majority of the population. This complements recent back-to-the-past initiatives such as Latin Mass and kneeling communion. Asked if Catholic women will be required to wear hats at all times, our Source joked, "only if they don't want to be burned as witches."

"The highest priority of Pope Gregory XVI is to purge the ranks of the clergy of all dissenters. After cleaning up in house, he hopes to works more closely with governments to create obedient, slavish citizens who think the way we tell them to think. And tithe. Getting tithing back on track is very important."