Santa Claus to Move to South Pole
November 13, 2024
by William P. Meyers

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Global Warming Making North Pole Ice Unstable

Santa Claus made a surprise appearance today at the COP 29 climate summit in Baku, Azerbaijan. In a press conference he announced that given trends in the climate at the North Pole, he and his elves now plan to move Santa's Workshop to the South Pole.

There is no immediate danger to the North Pole workshop, he said, but the ice at the pole has been thinning at a rate that means in perhaps ten to twenty years the workshop will be in danger of sinking. They did consider building a floating structure, or one built on pillars in the sea bed, to hold the current workshop. But given the size of the workshop, which produces toys for Christmas for over 1 billion children each year, the better plan is to move to the South Pole.

"Because the ice at the North Pole may be gone, at least in summer, within a few years, we decided to relocate to the South Pole. It is colder there, the ice is over a land mass, and even if global warming continues, we should be able to work there for decades, perhaps centuries. We would have liked to maintain our traditional North Pole workshop, but we see no progress in limiting fossil fuel use, or cutting back on carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gasses. So we expect global warming to accelerate, with particular impact upon the polar ice."

He said it will take years to complete a design, and then perhaps a decade to make the move and start producing the Christmas toys delivered by Santa and his helpers.

Asked by reporters why he did not use his magic to keep the ice in the arctic frozen, he said his magical powers were limited. He said the science is clear and that measurements of the ice around the North Pole are taken daily by satellite. He referred reporters to Charctic Interactive Sea Ice Graph if they had any doubt about what the trends are.