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God is My Thermostat
February 1, 2017
by William P. Meyers

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It's getting hot, and that's the way God likes it

I used to be an atheist. I used to worry about global warming. I used to believe in science. But I have been listening to my elected leaders, and to my surprise, found out they are right.

thermostat turned off

I am letting God do the worrying now. God is my Thermostat.

Who am I to know which scientists to believe about global warming? I am just one person. I can't affect anything.

God, on the other hand, created this world. Fairly recently. And even more recently He put some specks of light in the sky that scientists have mistaken for galaxies.

If God didn't want us to burn coal and oil, He would not have put them there for us to find.

I am letting God worry about climate change. The Big Guy can set the Big Thermostat. I am doing what He wants me to do.

I am praying for little things. Like free heat. I have turned my heater off, and am praying for God to bring the temperature in my house up to 70 degrees. So far it is not working, but then I am new at praying. Perhaps I can find a Tea Party Priest to help.

I am also planning on praying for God to keep my house at 70 degrees this summer. Without my turning on the air conditioner. Those electric bills for air conditioner are the work of the devil, I am sure. A tax on unbelievers. Seems to me like summers weren't as hot 30 years ago, but that is probably just my memory playing tricks on me.

Some other things I am looking forward to, that God and the Republicans have promised, are: (1) an inexpensive private health plan with low deductibles; (2) lower taxes and better services; (3) free schools staffed by untrained, uncertificated teachers that are better than the old public schools; (4) all the fruits of an unregulated, unsupervised free enterprise economy that we have been missing since 1933.

I am sure all these things are just around the corner. But it is bloody cold in here. C'mon, God, light my fire. Would it help if I prayed in Latin or something?

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