Deficit Hawks Feared Extinct
December 10, 2010
by William P. Meyers

Site Search

Popular pages:

Today the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced that the Deficit Hawk, Falco deficere, appears to have suddenly gone extinct.

"It's shocking" said biologist Eve Migratorius. "As late as this October we had widespread sightings of Deficit Hawks. In December it's as if they all fell out of the sky. We are hoping there are a few hiding in more remote areas, enough to repopulate the species. But we have not been able to spot any yet. If there are any still alive, we can begin the process of adding them to the endangered species list."

Unofficial Republican Party spokesperson Sarah Palin, on hearing the news, said "If elected President I'm going to mow down any and all species that interfere with creating more sub-minimum wage jobs for Americans or further tax breaks for the rich."

Speaking for the White House, Robert Gibbs said, "No comment."

An anonymous source in Congress said,"Given the choice between actually cutting the federal deficit and cutting taxes, most American voters and in particular campaign donors strongly prefer cutting taxes. Ecologically speaking, the Deficit Hawks flew into a vacuum and croaked."

I think it is more complex than that. The Tea Party Pigeon, Columbidae credulus, had a population explosion in 2010. It occupied Deficit Hawk habitat, often mimicking the hawk's mating call. This resulted in female hawks laying infertile eggs, and the decline of the species in December when the prior generation of true deficit hawks died of old age.